Lavinia "Lovey" Gardner Frahm

Lavinia "Lovey" Gardner Frahm was born just after noon on October 8, 2022 and passed away in the arms of her parents in the early morning hours of October 11, 2022.

Nine months in the womb. Seventeen hours in labor. Three days in the NICU. Forever in our hearts. Rest well, dearest Lovey, our time with you was too short.

Lovey's conception -- eagerly awaited for 10+ years -- was an occasion of joy and gratitude. A one-in-a-thousand spontaneous pregnancy after fertility assistance efforts had failed to yield fruit. Born 8 pounds 13 ounces and 20.25 inches long, she sported her dad's chin, her mom's rosy cheeks, and a delightfully dark head of hair.

While in the womb, she would accompany her mother to regular yoga sessions and would often join in on the action. She was particularly prone to late night acrobatics that would thrill her dad and brother, while sometimes keeping her mom awake for far too long. In the spring of 2022, she spent a month in utero traveling with her parents and brother to Eastern Europe to help Ukrainian refugee families in need. In July, she joined the family in cheering on her brother at USA youth rock climbing nationals in Chicago.

Though Lovey's life was brief, her impact on those closest to her was profound. Here are three lessons Lovey taught us:

Lesson 1: Accept What's Given

We'd love to see our plans for Lovey come to fruition, but we've learned from our time with her that sometimes -- most of the time, maybe -- life resists our plans and chooses its own path. Of course this is sad. Deeply so. But we're learning to just accept that life is unfair at times. Lovey knows this most of all. Life is unfair, and there's no fighting it. Only accepting and responding with kindness and care to the grace of what we're given; even if it isn't the grace we want or deserve. Thank you, Lovey, for gracing our lives, however briefly.

Lesson 2: Resist Blame

At times of great suffering, we naturally seek someone or something to blame for our pain. Lovey's serene spirit taught us to resist this tendency. Blame only impedes our ability to embrace the grace of the present. Thank you, Lavinia, for freeing us from the burden of assigning blame for what we lack so we can better enjoy the abundance of what we have.

Lesson 3: Savor Each Second

Too easily we take for granted the time we're given. Lovey has forever reconfigured our sense of time. Nine months of body-stretching pregnancy felt an eternity until they were gone. Seventeen hours of love-filled labor are now unimaginably sacred. Three days in intensive care were unfairly fleeting, while also containing multiple lifetimes-worth of holy heartache and priceless bonding. Each second is precious. Lovey's seconds were far too few, but none were taken for granted. Thank you, Lavinia, for this priceless gift.

Lavinia is survived by her parents, Jennifer & Walker; her brother, Atticus; her grandparents Terri Gardner and Steve & Audrey Frahm; her great grandparents Charmian Taylor and Ruth Ann Gurr; and a host of aunts, uncles, cousins, and countless others who loved her completely before they had the chance to fully know her.

She was preceded in death by her grandfather, Dee Isaac Gardner, who passed as a result of ALS in 2019, and with whom she'll share a burial plot at Evergreen Cemetery in Springville. Few were more skilled at comforting a crying baby than Grandpa Gardner, and Lovey's family finds peace in knowing she'll be laid to rest by his side.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you donate to their personal fundraiser, which will help with medical costs and support a charitable fund established in Lovey's honor.